Controlling the Narrative vs. Disrupting the Narrative: A Journey of Surrender

As a leader, a creator, and someone who walks in purpose, there’s a tug-of-war I often feel deep within—Do I control the narrative, or do I disrupt it?

It's a question I've been wrestling with more lately, especially as I take steps toward greater visibility and elevation. And honestly? It's not always clear-cut. There are moments when I can feel the urge to control—to curate my story, to shape how people see me, and to protect my image. But then, there are those other moments where something bigger rises within me, something that says, “It’s time to disrupt.”

This tension between controlling and disrupting the narrative has been one of the most formative battles in my journey.

Controlling the Narrative: Safety in the Shadows

Controlling the narrative comes naturally. After all, who wouldn’t want to protect their reputation? To create a version of themselves that feels safe, polished, and predictable? I’ve been there—strategically managing how I show up to avoid misinterpretation, rejection, or any kind of judgment. For years, my life has been a series of steps taken with precision, with a quiet awareness of how I’m perceived in every room.

The need for control is rooted in fear—fear that people won’t understand my purpose, that they’ll misread my intentions, or worse, they’ll think I’m out of alignment. The more I grow in my purpose, the more I realize how easy it is to fall into the trap of trying to control what others see. I became obsessed with telling a “clean” story—one where everything fit into a neat, digestible narrative.

But that’s the thing about growth, isn’t it? The more I try to control, the more stifled I feel. It’s as though I’m holding myself back from the true expression of who I’m meant to be. And yet, the resistance to surrendering that control is real.

Disrupting the Narrative: The Uncomfortable Truth

Then, there’s the pull to disrupt. Disrupting the narrative isn’t about forcing a change—it’s about letting go and allowing my true self to emerge, unfiltered and unapologetically. It’s about stepping into the unknown with faith that even if I’m misunderstood, I’m still walking in purpose.

Disruption doesn’t ask for permission. It doesn’t wait until the conditions are perfect. It doesn’t make excuses for being messy or being misinterpreted. Disruption says, “This is who I am—take it or leave it, but this is me.”

And this? This is the scary part. Because, when I disrupt the narrative, I no longer control the perception. I risk vulnerability, and that’s a level of transparency I haven’t always been comfortable with. But that’s where real transformation begins. When I let go of the need to curate the perfect image, I allow room for my purpose to speak for itself, and it doesn’t need to fit anyone else’s mold.

The Struggle Between the Two

You might be wondering, “Why not just disrupt the narrative all the time, then?” Well, it’s not that simple. I still struggle with the desire to control. I’m constantly evaluating: Is this true to my vision? Is this aligned with my purpose? Is this the best way to show up in this space? But the more I evaluate, the more I realize that sometimes the best thing I can do is surrender—not to the expectations of others, but to the call on my life.

At the crossroads of controlling and disrupting, I’ve learned that it’s okay to move between both. Control is about being strategic, knowing when and how to protect your boundaries. Disruption, on the other hand, is about embracing the unknown, trusting that you are enough even when everything isn’t in your control.

The Truth Behind the Disruption

Here’s what I’ve come to understand:

When we disrupt the narrative, it’s not about rejecting the narrative we’ve been told, it’s about redefining it. And that takes courage.

I’ve realized that the fear of being misunderstood or misjudged will always be there. It’s natural. But I can’t let that stop me from stepping into what I know I’m called to. Every time I’ve chosen to disrupt, I’ve been met with resistance—but also with breakthroughs.

That’s why I’ve come to the conclusion that while controlling the narrative offers safety, disrupting it offers growth. There’s a level of freedom that comes with letting go of how things “should” look. And that freedom is necessary for anyone who’s called to something bigger than themselves.

A Call to Disrupt

So, as I continue on this journey, I choose disruption—not for the sake of rebellion, but for the sake of truth. I choose to disrupt the narrative because I know my purpose isn’t meant to fit within the confines of what others expect.

And for anyone reading this who feels caught between these two forces, I want to say: it’s okay to feel the tension. It’s okay to struggle with the desire to control. But also know that the very act of disrupting the narrative is what allows you to fully walk in the power of your calling.

Here’s to disrupting our own narratives, unapologetically and boldly, as we walk in the full purpose we were created for.

Reflection for You:

• What narrative are you trying to control in your life right now?

• Where might God be asking you to disrupt the current story to make space for His greater plan?

• How can you walk in both strategy (control) and authenticity (disruption) without fear?